Let Go

I've been anxious to write a blog entry of our recent events and the delay of my doing so, like always, is the same reason, my scattered brain!! If I could have, say a, functioning traffic signal, in my brain to let me know when to : GO! then STOP! and emotions were NOT attached, I could be so much more productive. But, dealing with the cards I was dealt, we will DEAL with the current DNA! :) The bath water was running and I stepped into the raging almost boiling water in the bathtub. I lifted my toe back out gasping. My mind runs a million miles a minute and as my toe reentered the water "REAL MOMS" popped into my head. I took a minute to adjust the water temperature and eased back down to enjoy a soothing, warm, relaxing bath. As, I leaned my back down into the water I said, "LET GO". My soul felt as though it jumped out of my chest onto the edge of the tub waiting for me to follow. I smiled, let out a big sigh and repeated the phrase "Real moms let go" over and over and over. Mainly, I repeated myself so I wouldn't forget it and secondly thinking about what that meant to me. I've heard the phrase "Real men...blah blah blah" But, not sure I've ever heard the phrase, "Real moms...???" Sounds a bit offensive, really. Many stories come to my mind to support my new motto "Real Moms Let Go" and not sure where to begin. My most recent event I wanted to share is DS4 (son#4) decided to cut his hair. I cried for two weeks and still don't like the reality of this, almost a week later. DS4 decided to donate 14inches of his hair to Locks of Love and was beaming with excitement for the thought of a new experience, one he couldn't ever remember. But, for me watching him cut his hair was watching his childhood detach from his body and fall lifelessly to the ground. My insides erupted like a ball of fiery, hot, molten rock that instantly formed then exploded into my throat. Tears swelled in my eyes, like a baby I sobbed on a 16 year old girls shoulder. Wow, in my past I would of never revealed my emotions nonetheless start crying in public! Just as the ponytail was cut, my son walked over to me stretched out his arms, wrapped them around me and gave me the biggest hug. The fire stopped burning but I felt so emotionless and lost. As a full-time mom for 26 years learning to let go of my children is the hardest thing to do. I felt as though the freedom I gave my DS4 for the last 12 years as an unschooler, living in the country, running free as, lets say, the image of Tarzan, comes to mind. Giving him large boundaries, room to roam, free to think and explore and find his own way, guiding him for safety but releasing him to expand and grow on his own time. The symbol of him cutting his hair was like Tarzan standing upright dressed in a suit peaking through the vines at the village. Tears come and go through our trials as mothers and the uncomfortable seat is getting readjusted as I write. I'm proud of DS4, but my story doesn't start with him or end with him, it actually began 26 years ago. As for today I will continue to practice my motto and continue tomorrow on .......... REAL MOMS LET GO.

Namaste'
ac